Life is a struggle right now

View of Gangnam from my rooftop. ?

These days are hard…super hard. I haven’t worked much this month so idk how I’m going to pay this expensive rent. My contract ends in November so I’m thinking about finding a new job & moving outside of Seoul, especially out of Gangnam. ?

I’m tired of it. It’s expensive for no reason especially rent for such small places and there are some other things. Yes, it’s convenient but I miss just visiting and then being able to escape when I go home. I haven’t been able to do that in almost exactly 3 years.

If I don’t find another job that I’m okay with taking, then I’m debating about actually going back home. Probably the worst time to go back to the states but I have been here over 7 years and the US is home. It will be hard to go to another country with this pandemic. The past couple of years here have been stressful in multiple ways. Though I have been stressed with things from back home also.

I feel slightly abandoned by certain family members too, so now I just accept it as what it is. Everything is stressful. At the end of the day, I can only depend on myself like always because no one else is going to help when I really need it. Then again, I rather struggle than ask for help. So…??‍♀️

Hopefully I find a job by the end of this year and get back on track. This job I have now, hasn’t paid me in full for most of this contract, so it’s been getting to me a lot. Only 3 months was actually paid normally (the first 3 months of the contract). The manager doesn’t know what she is doing or how to talk to employees. Communication is horrible. It’s a mess. All of this is probably the main source of stress all year alongside this pandemic that seems to never get better.

There has been a few good things this year, but not many. I turn 31 in a few weeks (actually less than 2 weeks now ?) and it’s going to be a rough one already it seems.? I hope something good happens this year. ??????