I’m alive
I thought about posting a few times and voted against it.
Why?
I was an emotional mess. Happy one moment and crying the next. Actually cried too much already for a new year. It’s just getting halfway through February for goodness sakes.
Thinking about everything that has happened, is happening and what will happen in the future that I know about got me pretty depressed. So many people I know are either dying and leaving. In the end I just felt completely and utterly alone with no one to turn to. My heart felt like it was weighed down. I was stressed. Started losing blood. So I felt horrible for over a week.
How am I now? I’m ok. Nothing more or less. Had to find something to relax & focus on.
Today was my 6th graders’ graduation. So I won’t see most of them ever again. My co-teacher is leaving soon. Some more teachers are leaving. I’m moving out of my classroom back to the office. Found out some people back home died. My family wants to move into a place of their own. I want them to also. My homie Keri leaves in June. I don’t know what I’m doing when my contract ends. I have to be prepared if I can’t renew or find another job. Heck I technically don’t have a place to live back in the US. Just everything is bleh.
Though I might be able to move anywhere now because of that. Nothing is tying me anywhere.
The principal told me yesterday not to lose anymore weight. I lost 37kg (~81.5lbs) since I came here & she was all :O “yes no more no more you’re good now.”
I’m not too skinny. Not even close to skinny. I still have extra weight to get rid of to be in the “normal” range for my height. Though it’s good I hold my weight well. Depending on brand and style I’m anywhere between a size 10~14. Not too bad to say I didn’t really do anything to lose it all.
I know someone is wondering about Mr. Military. We talk when he’s not busy so…not that often. They were doing military exercises in the mountains for days at a time. Like “hey let’s live outdoors in freezing weather with horrid wind and snow in the mountains for 7 days”
I’ll admit I was worried about him, but eh. It got super cold when he had to do it. I know he’s use to it. But it was absolutely freezing! With lack of sleep and okish food. >.<
So I let him do his thing and I do mine. No need to bother him with my emotions. Plus who knows how long he’s gonna be around.
I don’t know I’m just expecting the worse. Which I shouldn’t. This month is just not a good one for me. Too many sad things back to back so it feels everything will go down that route. It might not. Who knows? Hopefully some good things happen.
He was hinting that he might have some free time this week coming up. Since it’s lunar new year’s. So we’ll see. I’ll probably try to sleep and well sleep some more. I have the week off. Don’t go back until the 24th. Woo~
For good news…going to see Park Hyoshin tomorrow for his encore concert “So Happy Together” with Keri and one of her co-workers. Making it my third time seeing him. I did snatch a Junsu ticket for next month finally after failing to get a ticket to his previous two solo concerts. His concerts sell out so quickly. Though this would be my third time seeing him too. O.o And got some Shinhwa tickets for their 17th anniversary concert next month. Making it the 4th time seeing Eric and Minwoo.
Shinhwa might be my last. I don’t really have anyone else I want to see. Besides FT Island and Big Bang. Which might never happen. *thinks* Maybe 2ne1 and B2ST. That’s it. But I’m ok if I can’t. My most wanted to see is basically done. Wow…never thought that would happen. Have to let that soak in…I skipped out on a Jaejoong fanmeeting/birthday party. Me passing up on seeing that man and felt perfectly fine. If I can skip out on seeing one of my top favorites I can for everyone else. I’m kind of done with it all. Time to move on.
I need to send these boxes home. I know random but concerts reminds me of all the stuff I have to mail. Which is mostly concert goods. -.-
I think that’s it. I know kind of depressing. Sorry. But it’s part of life. Everything can’t go perfectly. I look at it as a growing experience. Coming to terms with being an adult even if I feel like it happened too soon. Though I’ll be 30 in 4 years. Oh my god…where have the years gone?! I was just like 16 and woosh almost 26 edging on 30 quickly. Well then.
Ok I’m done. ^.^
Until next time~! More than likely will be a concert update. I should get paid for all these concerts.