Friends? What are they and what are they to me?

For the past couple of week…months even I’ve been thinking about this. What’s a friend? What do we get from friendships? What are friends to me? What kind of friendships do I have? How are they different from years ago? What’s the difference between my friends back home and the ones here in Korea?

I have a lot of friends. Which surprises me sometimes when I think about it. I don’t like a lot of people. I really don’t. However, if we get along and continue to get to know each other, that grows into a friendship. Some friendships start a bit easier while others might need some work and anything in between.

After what happened to me 5 years ago, I’m pretty selective about who I call a friend. I’ve had so-called friends literally put me in situations that lead me to my darkest moments in life. However, thanks to one friend during that time, I was able to hold on. That’s a friend that I treasure more than anything. He knows it too. I don’t know where I would be without him. That’s maybe a story for another time.

So, since that time, I’m careful about who I let in as a friend. Many try but not many can keep that “title”. I’m not saying people have to be friends with me or even want to. I don’t care that much. However, if they are trying to become one it’s an interesting process in general.

I have a problem when people don’t know me really well, yet try to become my best friend when they aren’t even just a friend yet. It’s too much. Not to mention people who just want things from you and don’t contribute anything back. That’s not friendship. That’s someone trying to use you to get whatever they can even if they don’t realize it.

My friends back home are mostly those I made in university and some since elementary school (my last elementary). We keep in contact here and there and others I contact pretty often. They are just good people and we’ve known each other for a long time. I have friends from studying abroad here in Korea that are all over the world. Even still keep in contact with a good bit of them and try to support whatever they do. Like I love my friends. I have some good ones.

The friends I have in Korea are obviously a bit different. Like I said after what happened 5 years ago, my friend circle in Korea is different. I have one really good friend from before then which I mentioned earlier. I have a few other friends from before then too but some don’t know everything that happened. The friends I’ve made since then have been from work that branched out as well as social media. Not going to lie, I have had some great coworkers that have become close friends too. Now, living on the island, I don’t get out as much, especially with covid but still. I have a few friends down here and one really close one.

In all of these friendships, we just get each other and it’s never awkward. It’s just a good time. There are some friends that I can share a lot with and there are some I just hang out and vibe with. I have friends that fall into both categories obviously.

I believe friendships should be pretty balanced in some way. You shouldn’t feel like it’s one-sided or that you are doing everything while they do nothing. You should feel safe and relaxed around that person. You should be able to express yourself and not have to alter yourself constantly. I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to watch what I say or do around them. I should be able to grow and we help each other in some way even if that just means listening to the other person.

Granted there are levels to friends and friendships are different with different people. However, I must say all my friends know how I am and I know them pretty well too. Some we don’t even speak often and that’s fine. Our friendship works well for us.