Feeling better and other thoughts

So first off I am much better finally. Only took me a month basically. Nope nevermind over a month, was sick the end of March *looked at an old post*. Well then. Not hurting as much. A lot of the pain came from my crappy diet since I moved too. Oops. I cough here and there, not as bad as before. Apparently had an infection. Yay~

Anywho, work is work. One person is literally making it hell on top of 3 little runts that makes it their mission to tear my sanity apart. Along with some shady stuff >.> people not getting paid properly <.<. It has really made me think about leaving not just my job but Korea as a whole.

I know WHAT?! 

I love Korea I do. BUT I don’t see myself teaching forever worrying about if the place can even stay afloat themselves. Not to mention I have thought about this for awhile now, even more so in the past year. Especially after my last school. It’s all taking a toll out on me. When work is stressful to the point it flows into my personal life making me not even care about my health, it’s not worth it.

Nothing feels like it is worth it anymore here. If I want to be yelled at for nothing, let me at least have it done at home. I am not a person to yell at, it triggers horrible memories and it just rubs me the wrong way. If I did something to deserve it, maybe I would be more understanding, but I haven’t done anything. I do what I am told only to be yelled at for doing what was asked. I am not a robot. I am a person with emotions just like everyone else.

On top of that, I am getting older and want to be more settled personally. I don’t think I can live here forever because I do want at least one child in the future. This is something I have debated about for years. I have come to realize I do deep down want one of my own if it is possible. I would not want to raise my child over here. I don’t really like the school system too much and I honestly want a yard again. Plus, even if my family makes me upset, my family is back in the states. Nothing is easy but I would feel more comfortable if I did start a family being at least in the same country as my own.

Then, there is my mother’s health. I don’t know how much longer she will be around. I do want to be there, closer than over 24 hours of travel away.

Granted I have made a life for myself over here, but how long will it last? It’s not exactly anymore stable than anywhere else. Especially, when I haven’t found a job that is decent enough to be able to stay at? I know I may be asking for too much, but it’s how I feel. Plus, I have more connections back home. Here, they run but so deep and some I don’t want to tap into over here. I rather use it back home instead. 

As I said earlier, I don’t see myself teaching forever either. I feel like I am about to hit a brick wall here, so I should move now to avoid anything else bad happening. 

Not saying going back to the states with that person in charge is going to be any better. It is horrifying. Though at the same time I am a citizen there not here. If something happens here, I have to fend for myself. Back home at least I have more family and friends there.

Once again, my original plan was to only be here one year. This year will make it 4. After my contract is up, 4.5 years over here. That is more than enough. i haven’t done everything that I wanted to, but I have done enough to feel satisfied. 

I have had a ton of great memories and I am sure there are more to be had. I have also had more than enough horrible memories to stick with me for the rest of my life too. It will be better if I leave before my love is completely destroyed for the country. I would totally try to visit as much as possible but to live again? Maybe not. 

I know this post may have been unexpected but these are some thoughts that have been around for awhile and even more so now with things going on.But yeah~ I may stay a few more years or this could be my last. We shall see what the future holds.

Until next time~안녕~