Bored…

I don’t know where this post is going. It’s just some random thoughts in no order.

This is what happens when the end of the year is coming up. My after school classes are done. I have nothing left to plan. My co-teacher and I basically finished planning winter camp already. If we find random add-ons we tell each other and that’s about it. We have random conversations here and there. Heck getting to the point we can get in a quick nap.

So what on earth is there for me to do?

Oh, I might start back studying Korean. Hmmm…I need to be productive.

Also, I want collard greens. Or some mustard greens or turnip greens. I NEED SOME GREENS~! This country southern side is kicking in. Some greens and cornbread. Oh my freaking goodness. Don’t let me get some field peas and hamhock. Oh, just a little smoked jowls. Just a few slices. Like bacon is delicious, smoked jowls is another level. I want it all! Save meh~ 

In all honesty my stomach would probably kill me if I eat any of those things. I just want a little though. Just a tiny bit to get a taste.

*sigh*

Anyways, besides food I want…to drive. I miss driving my car listening to music. Being in control of where I’m going. 

In all honesty I miss home. Granted my home I left is now gone, but you get what I’m saying. I miss my family and being able to do things without having to rely on someone else because I can’t speak the language fluently.

I’m not saying “hey, I want to go home right now. I don’t like it here.”

Nope not at all.

I’m saying, I miss home, my family, and being able to do some things without needing help. That part of independence. Being able to drive up to a sonic and order a cherry limeade when it’s half-price. *daydreams*

Then again I’ve gained a lot of independence since being here. Taking care of myself through everything. I’ve been sick a lot. I’ve had moments during my vacations where I spent half of it basically laying on my floor sickly. My legs the other week decided to take a vacation. Yet, I pushed through it all. Walked home when my previous co-teachers didn’t really care how I got home in the freezing weather or the one who volunteered to take me kept leaving and forgetting about me until the next day. Remember those posts? Where I was like screw it all I’m just going to walk home and get pizza because I freaking deserve it? Yep. 

Granted I’ve had moments where I’ve sat in my apartment and cried. I don’t even like crying. Well, who likes crying? But it’s something I try to avoid no matter how I feel. I try to suck it up and keep going. But there were those days I felt like I was losing everything I had and cared about so I cried because I felt depressed. Sometimes it felt as if I had nothing whatsoever and no one cared. Or the people that cared for me were no where near me and I didn’t want to burden them with my feelings. Sometimes it felt like everything was just caving in and there was no bright side to anything. If something good happened of course something horrible would happen next. Bad things happening were getting worse and harder to bounce back from.

I know, I shouldn’t have thought like that, but it happens. When you are alone almost 24/7 and you keep hearing about bad things going on at home, then your own life seems kind of messy. It bothers you, a lot if you aren’t careful. 

I realized I let go a lot of my hobbies in the past and started picking them up again to keep myself busy. Start learning about new things. Documentaries are amazing. Go out and try new things since we only live once. I don’t want to regret anything. Sitting in my place alone feeling bad would not help anything. It would only make it worse.

Which leads me to another thing…

That’s why I’m glad Keri is in the country. I would probably be a complete mess if she wasn’t. She has pulled me out my apartment plenty of weekends when I was all “No…I think I’m just going to stay in.” Help me meet other people I actually get along with. When I was going through my moments with things happening she was there making sure I was ok. Letting me crash at her place instead of having to come way out to the country side and back to Seoul. I mean she has done a lot even if she hasn’t realized it. So Keri if you are reading this…thank you homie and I hope you feel better. I need my partner in crime back 100%.

I shall end this here because I am sleepy. Even though it’s barely after 3pm. I really want some soul food though. gahh

Until next time~!