Alright, let me say this just this once.

I normally stay away from making posts on anything going on in the news. I tend to keep my opinions to myself. I don’t know why I do that exactly but I do. But in the past what 2~3 days on top of what has happened in the past year alone, I feel I should say a little.

I leave for home soon and with all the recent shootings going on I am seriously scared to even step foot in my own home country. Granted I am not a black male but I am a black female. Doesn’t matter genetics I am considered black because of my skin color.

The fact that there’s so much racial tension going on in the states has me very much scared. The thought that my own brother can randomly be shot for nothing is heart breaking. I never would have thought about anything like that happening so often but the world is so crazy now. My mother never made us worry about cops. Every cop I met was lovely. I loved cops and still do. Well most.

I have had an incident years ago when I was a junior in high school, in which a cop pulled me over while I was driving my new car. Seriously just got it a few hours before. He said and I quote “You were speeding (I wasn’t at all, was below the speed limit). Is this your car? Do you even have a license? You shouldn’t have such a nice car. I need to see your documents.” I handed him what he needed then he reached in to take the documents for the purchase. Which he had no business to do. He did some yelling to the point I was in tears and was just done. He told me he saw me coming from one street passing by him speeding and he had to follow me for some miles. The thing is the street he was talking about was definitely on the other side of the are opposite of where I came. I never even travel down that road so for me to come off it suddenly was a O.o what? And he didn’t even follow me for a minute. As soon as the lights went on I pulled over into a median. So I was wrongfully pulled over.

Luckily my grandma, aunt and mom saw me get pulled over as they were in another car. The cop told my mom to talk to me then like 5 seconds later told her to stay away or he would arrest her. Then, he said some other stuff that shocked me. Wrote a ticket and basically tossed it in my face. I honestly can’t put it all here because I feel nervous just typing this.

Let’s just say after all that, if I saw a cop or even the car it made me go into a mini panic attack and start to tear up. I was never like that until that moment. I never got in trouble before for anything then to be wrongly pulled over. That really got me. Even here in Korea, I was afraid. They walk around more here. So if I saw one I wanted to just go home. Whatever I had planned I didn’t want to do anymore. Now I am fine here. I know they don’t do that mess. Though if I here a siren I panic a little.

So, the thought of me going home after finally not freaking out seeing a cop is going to ruin all that. Cops in the states aren’t the same. Not all cops are bad, I have some in my family so I always thought of them as protectors. Running into bad cops made me realize not all of them care for everyone equally. So, now I know I have to be super careful in my own country and make sure while I am there my sister and especially brother is careful too.

It’s not just the blacks and cops. There’s a ton of black on black crime and racism/prejudice within the black community. It scares me that this day and age racism and hatred in general is so strong in America.

I thought it was the land of the free and home of the brave. It wasn’t that long ago that slavery was abolished and not even 60 years has passed since the civil rights movement. It seems we have gone backwards.

So far backwards. In a world that is so diverse. People from all backgrounds and nationalities go to America for the “American Dream”. America was built off the hard work, sweat, tears, and blood of so many people. America was supposed to be a “melting pot” a place were people from all over could become anything that they wanted to be no matter of where they came from. Yet, color is still a major issue. The amount of melanin in your skin that you have no control over seems to control how worthy you are.

It’s not just America that has me worried. Korea does too. There’s a lot of rape cases going on. A lot of men are mistreating women by being abusive with no one helping. Yes, there is racism here. That is slightly different than America though. Here, being a woman in general can be pretty dangerous. No matter if you are Korean or foreign.

Some guys are pure jerks. Some will try to bother you constantly no matter what. Some honestly don’t understand “NO” they think they can keep trying when it’s like “no get the hell away from me before I do some damage and you regret your life decisions.” Some think it’s fine to feel you up while you are on the subway or walking down the street. As if being looked at from head to toe and talked about like you are on display is not enough humiliation.

Some think they are slick trying to “hug” you randomly because they want to feel you up. Some are bold enough to try to randomly pull you by the hand to pull you somewhere while you try to escape and others just look on worried but not helping. While you freak out as someone is trying to do something to you but you have to handle it on your own as people pass you by not even attempting to help.

Or the fact some guys, even old men say things they shouldn’t say to anyone. Even worse when some say uncomfortable statements and try to take pictures of you because you and your body “make me feel very comfortable.” As they rub their body while you are on the subway.

Men making sexual innuendos towards you when you don’t know them. The fact that they think they can touch you without your permission then get upset when you tell them no or to stop. Yet they keep trying to “persuade” you into liking whatever. Even better when they just met you but think it’s ok to mention they want to have sex and keep pressuring you no matter how many times you say no in their native language along with at least 4 other languages. Doesn’t help when they want to be with you because you are foreign and the bonus for them: black. The misogynistic attitude some men have is disgusting.

Once again not all men are like that here but sadly there are a lot like that. Everything I have stated above I have personally been through. So, I know first hand how it feels and how scary it can be. There have been times I just didn’t leave my place unless it was for work and avoided everything because of certain things. Even had to run away from men before. Seems nothing is being done about it, then again it seems to be hidden and not talked about.

In the end, the world is a messed up place. As a black female. I feel unsafe any and everywhere. I don’t feel safe in my own country and I don’t feel 100% safe here either. I am afraid I will be targeted unlawfully in the states just because of my color. Here because of my color and I am female and guy think it’s their chance to “try” things.

I feel for other women who have been abused by men and no one tries to help. Maybe it doesn’t help I grew up in a household with an abusive father so it really bothers me. Here in Korea things can happen and people see it but they just either stare or walk by. Very few step in to help. I wish women had more of a voice and more protection.

I don’t know what the future holds but I hope that it will not always be like this. All I can say is that no one should have to walk around being afraid of being targeted because of their color or their gender.