UC relapse?

Morning classes are done and I can probably hop out the window to be happy. Morbid I know, but seriously I mean it. Nothing I did worked. They wouldn’t listen. I tried everything possible. I am tired of it all.

The stress of everything has triggered a relapse in my UC (ulcerative colitis). TMI but this is my blog. This is the most blood I have lost since being in Korea and it isn’t randomly happening. This is becoming a daily occurrence. Which is a huge sign to me to be careful.

Granted I don’t talk about UC much because well normally flare-ups aren’t too bad and I can control the stress or it goes away. At least enjoy myself outside of work somehow. I try to live life without letting it hinder anything. I may stay in when I know I need to rest and let myself regulate. I normally tell no one because people don’t understand. I tend to keep it to myself and a few people close to me. Even then I like to deal with it alone.

I have had horrible times in the past when I lost a ton of weight and delayed going to university for a semester. Had to keep getting checked to make sure it wasn’t cancer yet.

I was afraid to eat since some things made the pain worse. Was so weak, lifting a gallon of water was too much. I was freezing while it was 100+ degrees in the middle of southern summers. Had to sit in the car with blankets and the heat while my family shopped because I literally couldn’t do anything. I could barely stay awake. When I was home I just stayed balled up in my room.

I hated that so much. I still do. It makes you feel completely useless. Heck, I don’t remember some things that happened because I was so out of it. Would wake up and fall asleep in no time. Medicine…ugh expensive mess. The cheaper version never agreed with me and I just felt worse instead.

So I stopped taking medicine altogether when I was 20/21 and decided that if it does turn into cancer to just let it. I still feel that way.

Now? Thought it was a minor flare-up but nope this is a relapse. I am in constant pain, I can actually feel when the ulcers release blood which I still wish I couldn’t. It also makes me super tired. I am already anemic, this makes it worse. I just hope the stress levels go down. If it gets worse I will just be going to work and coming home straight to bed. Since, well, food just doesn’t feel important anymore.

I know I need to eat but even as I write this I haven’t had a full meal today. Too tired to even care.

This is another big factor in me wanting to leave. If the stress keeps being this bad then it (UC) will get worse. Stress is the main trigger for it, at least for me. In turn, I won’t go to work because I won’t be able to physically even if I wanted to.

My health is more important. I don’t feel like another hospital stay abroad.

Hopefully in the next few days or weeks, it gets better.

Also, found out some important news today at work but I will save that information for another post in the future.

I am tired so I shall go to sleep. My eyes are barely open.

So, until next time. 안녕~