Where’s home now?

So, I’ve been thinking about how to write this and if I should write it. I’ve decided that I should. To show that well life isn’t all peachy and flawless. There’s no field of flowers I’m hopping through. Heck I’d probably be allergic to most of the flowers. -.-

Now…my family has been having some financial problems since well…maybe forever. Main reason why I came over here so I can send money home to help out. Granted nearly half of my paycheck goes home to cover bills that were created to get us through for years. I honestly should probably be in a lot more debt, so I’m counting my lucky stars.

Long story short, the place I called home has been taken away as of…Tuesday (Wednesday for me) and my family had to move literally asap. Why? There’s some crooked company that has been taken over contracts. My grandma got the house almost 15-16 years ago when we were homeless then thanks to my lovely father lying after he got out the military that he had a place for us.

Where is he? He left like a year or 2 later. That’s a series on its own.

Now to make things worse, Saturday will make it 2 years since my grandma died. I know that probably triggered some emotions in my mom. In my grandma’s will the house was suppose to be taken care of and the company knew that. Lawyers talked and all. They wanted a few more payments for whatever reason and we gave it to them. The house wasn’t in foreclosure or anything but they decided to take it because in their words “were not getting any money.” They got money. I paid $1000s myself personally and they stopped sending out statements.  It’s just a messed up sticky situation that even a cop wanted nothing to deal with. 

 So Tuesday they (my fam) were told to be out by the end of that day. Though the guy that has to do it for the company gave my family a bit more time. Like an extra 24 hours, but hey it’s better than none. I haven’t been home since I left so my sister and brother had to pack up the things that I could remember to tell them to grab. Moving 4 bedrooms and extra stuff in less than 3 days for 2 people had to be hard. My mom is disabled so she couldn’t help. 

Luckily my grandfather told them they can move in with him back in the countryside…Or they would be outside right now in the cold. Probably dead.

That…

I wouldn’t be able to live knowing all that happened and I wasn’t even in the country. Heck not even half way near home. They’re my only family. With me being the oldest it’s my job to do whatever I can for them. I’ve tried so hard to protect them and it feels like I’ve failed. My sister and brother will probably drop out of college. Hopefully they’ll enroll again. 

I’m just worried sick. I haven’t slept since I found out yesterday. I’m use with handling everything on my own. Probably not healthy. So, I only told my co-teacher at work just in case I randomly break down. I pretend to be completely okay when I know I’m lying to everyone but especially to myself. If I don’t though, I probably wouldn’t be able to work or do anything else. I can’t allow that to happen. I know I’m stressed on all sides, I just have to try to make the best of it. Plus, once I worry and stress too much it triggers my condition and then I start losing blood. Sometimes too much in a short amount of time. Definitely have to be careful.

I’ll just say that this happened for a reason. Why? I probably won’t understand it right now, but hopefully in the future it’ll make sense.

I just hope my mom is ok. I know she has to be taking it hard. 

*sigh*

I just want to get away somewhere to actually not worry about anything for a few days besides food before I do have a breakdown and can’t control it. 

Now to try to sleep since I’m teaching classes alone tomorrow. Co-teacher has a business trip. Which means I have to find a way home also. Ugh…until next time~