Let me explain a little

I know there might be questions like “what happened? “

I get to do a lot of thinking. With that I realize how things should be and such. Yes, Mr. Military is busy but even when he was really busy he would still message not ignore. It’s when things aren’t going his way exactly and he doesn’t know what to do next he freezes up and stays silent until I pull it out of him. I shouldn’t have to do that.

He’s a grown man who should be able to talk about whatever it is that might be bothering him. Ok granted a lot of men don’t get that chance and might think it’s a trick.

Ugh. I don’t have time for that. I like people to be honest and open. I rather you talk it out with me then to hide it and pretend nothing is wrong when I can tell by the change in actions. I told him this and he still seems afraid.

Maybe I should cut him some slack maybe there’s a story behind him being the way he is. He might not think I want him to be open even if I say so. He can be afraid of opening up. Never know.

Ok, I was going to pretend he didn’t exist. Now, I’m just not talking to him this month unless he starts the convo first. I already stated my side. There’s nothing else for me to say so I’ll let him do whatever he needs to do. It allows me to focus on the craziness on work and figure out what I’m doing in life.

Normally by now he would have been blocked and deleted but I can’t bring myself to do that. I have this odd feeling and I don’t know why yet. But it’s preventing me from cutting him off at the moment. -.- I hate when I get these feelings about things. I’ll figure out what this one is for later I guess.

And it’s not the fact that I actually like the man. I’ll admit I like him. He’s charming ok? I have to smile thinking about his little quirks. But this other feeling…It’s something else I can’t really explain. Almost like a gut feeling(?) that there’s something more. Can be good or bad. I don’t know. I have to wait and see. I hate that part the most. -.-

Also, another shocker. Brace yourselves…

I’m thinking about going home in August. I miss my family and I hate being lonely over here. I need something stable in life and I have nothing really stable here. Granted nothing is stable at home either. Nothing is stable in my life. My school is constantly changing. By the end of this year more people will be gone including the principal. Back home where would I live? Will I regret my decision? Will I take over my aunt’s business. I’m next to take care of my family. That’s a lot to handle throwing my grandpa and aunt them in with my mom, sis and bro. Since my grandma died they tend to look to me instead of my aunt. I left and still they depend on me. I can’t just leave them to fend for themselves. They are the only family I have. Bleh.

Leaving. That’s just how I feel now. Who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow or next week. Or even next month. I love my kids. Might meet some guy and be all “nope~ staying forever!”

Only time can tell. Who knows it might be just to visit or permanent.

Now to sleep. First day of the school year tomorrow. I still don’t have a final schedule or know who my co-teacher will be. See? Craziness at work. Bleh

Until next time~